my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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