He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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