I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
