never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
