I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
