You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
