Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
