i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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