I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
