I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize