It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
