Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
