Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
