I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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