At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
