You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
