I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
