woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Boobs speak an international language.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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