there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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