ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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