How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
