You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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