i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love having hate sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
