i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
