The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
