areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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