I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
