No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
