This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
