I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
