You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize