everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
