I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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