Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
