Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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