There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
