You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize