watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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