These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
