Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize