Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
