Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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