I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
