It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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