im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
