he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
