if you like me you must not know who I am
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
