I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
