I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
