i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
