I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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