you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
