he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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