I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize