that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
