So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
