Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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