so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
