If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
