I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
