Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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