Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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