Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
