oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
