ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
