It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
